You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
