Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize