My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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