meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
