She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
