If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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