Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
