I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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