i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
