i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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