whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
