I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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