i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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