The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
