I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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