the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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