His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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