Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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