The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What a dumb baby whore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
