how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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