All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He passed out mid-signature
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
