Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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