I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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