I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
