so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize