mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
