my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
