their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
