I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
