Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
