Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Ketchup is God's man juice

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk

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(503): View more from Oregon

You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.

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(772): View more from Florida

Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa

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(817): View more from Texas

You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09

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