Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
