I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
