I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
