cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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