Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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