Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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