I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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