i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize