Can i not drive my cunt home
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
