someone get that fucking seahorse.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
