were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
