At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize