Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
