Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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