its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
