so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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