I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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