boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
