1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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