Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
