Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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