oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
