First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
