sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
