No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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