I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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