I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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