omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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