she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We need to rekindle our bromance
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
