So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
