If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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