What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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