His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
