I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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