It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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