First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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