can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
